Apologies and all that

I know its poor form to just stop writing a blog without some kind of notice, explanation, ending of the social contract with readers. Sorry for that.

I've been thinking for a while about why I've stopped and the answer is simple, really--I'm exhausted. I'm too tired to think about what things mean. I am too wrecked to make goals and note progress. And most of all, all this exhaustion feels like failure, not like the kind of thing to recommend.

I could tell you all my sob story of middle of the night wakings, short naps followed by late nights and early mornings, long discussions at 3am with my husband about whether there is any point in any of this anymore while my toddler happily plays with the remote . . . .but in the end, that's the not the story I'm going to tell.

In my story, we are all heros. Munchkin heroically tries to fall asleep and stay asleep every single night. I see him trying, breathing slowly the way his daddy taught him, with his eyes closed. Chad tries, heroically to smile at his son in the morning, no matter what, to play Sade and dance with his son. And me? Well, I'm trying to tell the truth. And right now, the truth is that what I really, desperately need right now, even more than sleep, is a good friend.